


the future that'll never be

by xehzee



Series: non existence [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!, NieR: Automata (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Ending, Bad English, Blood, Character Death, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Minor Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Minor Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-21 09:11:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14281674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xehzee/pseuds/xehzee
Summary: A faint amber loses its shine behind a cruel red light.Both swords fall to the ground with a clang.One, in pristine condition, hardly, if ever, used for its purpose.The other, dulled, except for the bright red fluid coating it.—A NieR:Automata AU. Heed the tags.





	the future that'll never be

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks For Reading.

[∆](https://open.spotify.com/album/7eFCEugTjlaXBd9BbZNJIR?fo=1)

[And I mean to go away after the tenth knock. Yesterday fades away. At long last I bid farewell.](https://lyricstranslate.com/en/%E6%95%B0%E3%81%88%E6%AD%8C-counting-song.html)

 

~

 

“No matter how far you try to go, Command will find you. And when they do, they'll kill you! There's no turning back from this choice! Either way you are… you will… That's the fate of traitors! Why are you so keen on doing this? Why?! I can't allow it. I can't leave y–”

The words echoes in his mind. They are not _real_ , such conversation never took place. Yet, somehow, he knows he spoke them; he knows they are true.

 

_What is going on?_

With a clearer head, Keiji leaves the warehouse. He has to look for Koutarou, tell him he has to go, and then complete his mission, in any way possible. But first…

Heading to the resistance camp is not so taxing. Movement is fine. Spacial awareness is, too. Whatever happened to him didn't diminish his physical abilities. A quick scan from his Pod didn't show any form of the virus, nor any other psychological effect.

 _It will be fine,_ he assures himself, _there's nothing to worry about._

In truth, there is something. Command haven't transmitted since his visit to the library. On one side, that’s _good_ , he doesn't think he can perform accurately on the field, not given the circumstances. On the other hand, it is worrisome.

 _Maybe they've already sent someone else to finish the job._ Wasn't that for the best? He couldn't do it. He wouldn't. But, wasn't that cowardice? Wouldn't it be better to take care of it himself? _No, I know what I have to do._

The camp feels eerily quiet, even though he knows that's not it. It's all on his head.

People come and go, busy with the remodeling and with their daily tasks. Now that both sides of the resistance came to an agreement, the camp bustles with renewed energy, even if the waters are still a little shaken.

 

“As long as they work hard there won't be a problem”, were the words Koutarou told him before Keiji underwent maintenance, “I'm still the leader here, you'll see how I get back all to normal again. You'll see how EVERYTHING comes around.”

Keiji nodded and leave it be. It wasn't on him to say something, he could either trust him or forget about it, this camp wasn't even his jurisdiction. He was just passing by. Surely, no one forced him to stay for as long as he had. And yet, he won't leave Koutarou's side. Even now, he keeps thinking long and hard of a way to make his stay longer, of a way to circumvent his duty and convince Command he has more to do here, that _his_ presence is needed, and no one else can do the job… whatever that is.

In his musings, Keiji _almost_ don't notice the person waving his hand in front of him.

“Yo, Keiji, you still around?” Yasushi greets him, an unusual grin on his face.

Over the past few days, Yasushi had been moping around and even had lost his wits towards his companions. Now he looks in a better mood, although Keiji knows how some people wear fake smiles to hide their true feelings. He does.

“Yes, I haven't completed my mission in this place. Information has been scarce and…” Keiji goes quiet. Nobody would want to hear him talking about his job, not when everyone is already busy with theirs. He doesn't have time for small talk either. “Nevermind that. Actually, I was headed for Tetsurou’s tent, I have some questions for him.”

“Ah, Tetsurou, yeah, well…”

“Did something…”

“Oh no, no, nothing like that. Well, sure, he hasn't recovered about, y’know… that's a guess. Honestly, I haven't spoken to him since a couple of days ago. I just know he left the camp because Kei told me. That might be for the best, a little wandering to clear his head and all.”

Yasushi doesn't appear troubled by it, speaking about it as if talking about the weather. He, among all people, should know how dangerous it is to leave the camp alone, even more when he was the person who set the rule of telling someone, anyone, where they're going or where can people find them. After all, machine lifeforms still roam about the vicinity and they are in no way the _peaceful_ type.

Even so, it is not his place to reprimand him for his lack of interest in someone who was an enemy only a couple of days prior.

“Is that so…” Keiji hums and thanks him before turning to the front entrance at a fast pace.

Depending on how long had Tetsurou left, there’s a chance he can still reach him; Tetsurou is the only one with the information Keiji needs after all. But as he is to exit the camp, someone grabs his arm.

“Keiji, where are you going?” Koutarou calls. His clothes are dirty and in disarray.

When he focuses on his job he really doesn't pay any mind to nothing else, especially if it's something as trivial as his personal appearance. That’s good, the majority of time.

“Ah, Koutarou. I need to speak with Tetsurou so I was going to find him. I heard he left a while ago, maybe–”

“What?!” Koutarou yells, “He left? He's supposed to be helping us!”

That's not exactly what Keiji thought of hearing from Koutarou. Showing concern for his safety, anger, anything else. Not just worry because of his lack of camaraderie.

“Yes, that might be true. But I'm more concerned about his whereabouts, it's not particularly the best time for wandering around the city.”

“Eh? Ah, yeah, the machines and all,” Koutarou scratches his head, “meh, he can handle it.”

Again, that isn't it. In any case, trying to argue with Koutarou about whatever priorities he had on that head of his was futile.

“I don't doubt it.” He does. “nevertheless, I need to talk to him. It's urgent. It's about my mission. I can see you are occupied, so I'll take my leave–”

As good time as any, Keiji tries to scurry from Koutarou's hold, unsuccessfully.

“Nah-ah. I'm coming with you. Just, lemme grab some things and…”

Koutarou does let go, running towards his tent at full speed.

Would it have helped Keiji’s case to say no? Probably… not. Koutarou would've followed anyway and there was the risk of him getting into trouble. That was just his luck, so in hindsight, it was better off that way. Or so Keiji hopes.

 

~

 

“Marking location on map.”

“That path is…”

“He's going to the greenhouse.” Keiji tries to level his voice. Something is wrong. The greenhouse is empty. It was _supposed_ to be empty. And if it isn't, there is only one person who can be there. “Pod, scan the greenhouse, tell me if there is a YoRHa signal in the surrounding area.”

“Negative…”

Keiji sighs in relief…

“... impossible to scan, signals are being jammed.”

…too soon.

“What?”

“Interference. Probably due to the machines going haywire.” Pod explains while Keiji's mind is reeling.

_It can't be. He said he was leaving, there's no way he had… but after what Tooru did. He can't be hoping to meet Tetsurou there too. He isn't like that… is he?_

While he has his suspicions about the strange happenings in the camp in the past few days, he is sure of one thing: the road to the greenhouse is dangerous. He can't risk Koutarou's life so carelessly.

“Koutarou–” he starts, but Koutarou interrupts before he could continue.

“I said I was going with you. There's no changing that.”

And so, he gets ahead on the road.

“Having Koutarou leading the way is not recommended.”

“Neither it is to take him with us.” Keiji says, sporting the smallest of smiles, “but _there's no changing it._ ”

“Indeed” is his pod only response.

 

~

 

Fighting isn't difficult. Killing the machines isn't either. And even aiding Koutarou represent little to no problem at all. Yet, Keiji can't shake the feeling that something is about to go terribly wrong.

They are about to reach the crater when he catches sight of the enormous Goliath class machine on the horizon. Finding an alternate route doesn't sound like a bad idea.

Pod finds one, an underground passage devoid of any machines, and of any source of light.

Keiji wishes he wasn't an overthinking mess. Even that passage, as inocuos as it is according to his pod, bore a seed of doubt and ominous feelings inside if him, as if foreshadowing his future.

The ground shakes and a deafening rumble follows, distracting Keiji from his grim thoughts.

“–the workshop at the end of the tunnel. Estimated arrival in ten minutes.” Pod alerts, undeterred of the tremor.

“Huh? Really? But I can see some light already…” Koutarou points outside, wasting no time in running towards the exit.

“Wait, Koutarou, we have to…” Keiji tries to stop him, albeit too late.

Koutarou's already on the outside when a flash makes its way from the far away greenhouse’s windows through the tunnel. Keiji stops in his tracks, view blinded momentarily. With a couple of blinks, he tries to get rid of the annoying dazzle.

 _What was that? It didn't look like an explosion… am I seeing things?_ He wipes at his eyes, small tears forming at the edges. If it had activated his lacrimation system, there was a chance it was a weapon of sorts. From who? The machines? Or… _Damn it. A trap?_ He had to hurry to Koutarou's side.

 

The view is unlike he remembers. A fire had started somewhere on the farthest entrance, the acrid smell of burnt oil permeating the area. Machine lifeforms surround the perimeter for sure, even if there is no sign of them close by.

_Good. There's still time._

Keiji ignores the black smears staining the only path to the workshop, as well as the fast darkening sky. There is no way anyone would still be there, nor Tetsurou nor Kenma. He just had to perform a fast recon to know the situation and leave with Koutarou as soon as possible. It was advised against, but the access point would have to stay jammed, he isn't going to put Koutarou on unnecessary danger.

No more than he already had.

As expected, the workshop is empty. There is a mess of tools and machine parts scattered throughout the small place, nothing out of the ordinary. Except…

“Message from bunker. Connectin–”

“No. Don't accept any incoming messages from command. I don't care if they're urgent, deny them.”

“… Understood.” Without any prompting, Pod runs a scan of the premises, “Three android's signals found in the greenhouse.”

“Didn't you say there wasn't any?”

Keiji hides the shock from his voice, aware that his Pod can register the changes on both his physical and psychological state. In any case, Pod continues as if it hadn't heard Keiji's words, “One of them is sending a distressing signal, weakened by the minute. It seems to be under the influence of a logic-virus.”

Keiji freezes. The headache he felt back at the camp comes back tenfold, along with a sense of dizziness. A small ache sparks on his chest, accompanied with shaking and a difficulty to breathe. Everything spirals out of control.

 _But there is still time to make things right_.

All the people around him had insisted with that thinking. No matter how bad, there is always a bright side. Yes, he can't stop then and there, everything is going to be alright. Even a logic-virus can be cured if they act fast enough.

Fighting his own weakened body, Keiji steps forward. If clinging to _hope_ is his only salvation, he'll do it with all his strength.

 

~

 

“Hey, hey, is somebody here? Anyone? Hey! Tetsurou! Are you here!?” Koutarou shouts into the empty room. When he doesn't receive a reply, he advances forward.

There is a strange atmosphere inside the workshop that has nothing to do with the _corpses_ of machines loitering around. He thinks he recognizes one of them, a small stubby graffitied with some yellow marks. And beside it, several stains of a red liquid, _blood,_ that turned into a unsettling pool of bright colors some meters ahead.

Koutarou's resolution is unwavering, now more than ever. If any of his friends is in danger he'll do everything in his hands to help them out of it, _everything_. He resumes his shouting all the way through the greenhouse.

 

~

 

“Kenma! Here you are! Have you seen–”

His question remains unfinished.

Kenma hold his sword up high, ready to stab it right down the person under him. Luckily, if such a thing existed, the distraction of his presence allows Tetsurou to push Kenma to the side and escape from certain death. Koutarou watches, stunned at his place. Both Tetsurou and Kenma are breathing heavily, the cordiality surrounding their actions vanished from their bodies. How long have they been fighting each other?

“Tetsurou, what is going on?”

“Isn't it obvious? Kenma here just tried to kill me.” Tetsurou spat, words cold like his eyes. Never had Koutarou seen Tetsurou like that.

At a lost of words for the first time, Koutarou turns his face to Kenma, dread on his features.

Kenma stands slowly, his face covered by his black fringes and sword in hand, blood dripping from his hands.

“Heh, you still have energy. A rare sight. You, Koutarou, why don't ask Kenma what _is_ going on? See, if he has an appropriate answer for you.”

Koutarou says nothing. He doesn'tn't want to know. Moreover, he _already_ knows. The lack of hostility from some machines, to the point of being friendly. Kenma’s knowledge of that point, and his attitude towards them. He _befriended_ them, for crying out loud. Tooru's fate… and the failed plan of Kenma to reach a peaceful agreement between the resistance and the machines. Nothing of which held the last bit of importance, not anymore.

“... You're not going to say anything? Aren't you curious? Not even a little? Well, I'll tell you. _This_ one killed–”

Everything clicks then and there. The body of the machine at the back was one of Kenma's friends. A payback from Tooru's life.

Kenma doesn't raise his head before resuming his attack on Tetsurou. Koutarou's legs don't respond either. A tiny voice in his head yells at him to do something, aid them, help them, talk to them, just _stop_ them, while other part is frozen, just… trying to comprehend. His friends are fighting to death, and he isn't sure he can, or if he _should_ , intervene.

After some struggling, Tetsurou manages to take some distance, and simply shouts at Kenma, when he would never even raised his voice, not to him.

“Dammit, how long are you going to keep this on!”

Tetsurou aims his gun, ready to shoot, waiting for Kenma to close the distance.

“No! What the hell–” _are you thinking?!_ Koutarou let the words trail off as he tackles Tetsurou and turns in time to stop Kenma from thrusting his sword through his skull, everything in one swift movement.

There he realizes something is wrong with Kenma, something he can't do anything about. More importantly, he questions himself, how long can he endure before his arms give in?

 

~

 

The screeching of metal resonates in his ears. The machines are getting closer by the minute.

For what purpose? Keiji honestly doesn't care. He only wishes they don't reach the greenhouse before he finishes his business there. Perhaps that was the reason command communicated with him. Or tried to, at least.

Leaving the workshop behind, Keiji hurries to the next building. The once beautiful arranged scene is now in complete shambles: broken glass scattered around, dirt and dried leaves covering the floor, a rapidly draining fountain; the water overflowing stained with…

A sting of guilt grows inside his chest. Keiji never cared about this place. But seeing it like this, devastated and broken… the dread of a lost future threatens with swallowing whole.

 

“He escaped so he could be free. There’s nothing wrong with that, is it? Given the chance, even yourself–”

“Wrong. We are tired, yes. But our duty comes first, no matter what. So much have been lost over time to just run away and leave everything behind. He is not the only one who has had enough.” Commander sighed, an undescribable feeling flashing through her eyes. “I'll leave it to you. It's… the best I can do for you both.”

The orders were as clear as they come. A job only he could do. His designation, a name for… death.

“... Understood.”

Ever since Keiji left the bunker, or even before that, the intertwined fates of people he hadn't met, and the one most dear to him, was sealed.

 

His mind is playing tricks on him. There is no other explanation. Maybe he is still back at the warehouse, having a really bad dream. A nightmare. The sight in front of him, it isn't truth, it's a mirage, it's…

The click of a safe gets him back to the obscure reality.

Koutarou lies on his back, exerting himself to stop a blade that threatens to pierce his neck. Somewhere on the side, Tetsurou is saying something, his lips are moving but Keiji can't register any sound. And the one who is causing this madness, the culprit, is the one and only person he trusted his life to, his only friend while in the bunker, his… everything.

 _Why? Kenma… and… ,_ his mind tries, and fails, to understand. There's not a logical reason, is there? Because his limited knowledge of the events taking place in front of him coan only point to one cause… and that is…

Tetsurou aims at the figures, resolute on finishing it all in one shot. What he doesn't take in consideration is that he _will_ shot both of them, or if he does, he doesn't seem to care.

In the end, if Keiji doesn't make a move, the two persons he has come to respect, and love, are going to die. But also…

 _Don't overthink it,_ says a voice inside of him and Keiji dashes forward.

His sword pierces through skin.

A wet, _horrible_ sound, resound on his ears.

_Don't open your eyes._

His black leather gloves dampen in a warm substance at the time he thrust his sword deeper and deeper.

_Don't stop, don't do it. Not yet._

A gurgling noise, a small cry.

The voice begins to fade.

_Don't… blame… yourself._

The curiosity he remembers to berate Kenma about, of which he got in trouble countless times, he feels it burning behind his eyelids, until temptation becomes too much to bear.

Because he always watches when performing his job, he hadn't noticed; he _has_ to make sure his target has perished, otherwise he risks the mission to fail.

And the voices, they are usually loud, filled with pain and anger.

They cry and scream, they call him names and wish him death.

They are foreign, no matter how close, and he ignores them.

Only this time…

“K… ei…ji…”

…the sound is familiar. There is no hatred, no ill intent; there's solely relief. Against his good judgement, Keiji follows the remnants of the past, blue steel eyes meeting amber one's.

In a world with no emotions, Keiji allows one to consume him.

 

Kenma takes his hands to his chest. Coughing blood, he strains to keep his footing, although he doesn't last long. He collapses in a pool of his own blood. The agony, the unbelievable pain, make his body trash and turn, as if the movement would take that _torture_ away; he does it until his legs lose its strength, and finally, stop kicking. Then, the only sign of life from the boy are his fast moving eyes, looking for someone in a fast blackening world.

And he finds _him,_ the source, the end, the _everything_ turning to nothing. For a fleeting moment, he is at peace with the world. He is there as he promised one day. He…

 

 _We don’t have blood, Keiji. This liquid? It might act like it, but it's not the real thing. As I see it, it's just something so as we feel connected to_ them _._

 _Because no matter how much organic tissue they use on us, or how many traits we share with them, we’ll never be like them, we will_ never _be_ humans _._

_But that's ok. It's for the best, really. We are ourselves. We don’t live just to follow orders. We don’t need a bigger purpose to keep us going. In that sense, we’re the same. Selfish creatures. Don't you agree?_

_Keiji… we should escape. We can go somewhere far away, live free. The real_ life _, I mean._

_I'm willing to fight for our freedom, leave everything behind._

_For that… and for you… I'll do anything. So…_

_Will you come with me?_

 

The memories flow through his eyes, in a crashing wave. He must've blacked out at some point; when he regain consciousness, Koutarou is beside him, calling out to him insistently.

Keiji lifts his gaze. Koutarou's eyes are brimming with tears. His features hold so much pain…

“What… I…” his cheeks are warm. _Something_ drips from his eyes as well, “Koutarou… you're okay… and Kenma…? He is… he is…” Keiji turns his head, searching.

A couple of meters ahead, a body lies limp on the floor.

“No! No…” Koutarou's embrace tightens, “it's…” his voice trembles before gaining composure, “let's get out of here, Keiji, let's just… go.”

Keiji nods. That is right, they have to go. They have to.

Nothing detains them in that place.

His chest hurts again.

An unbearable pain that becomes nothing as soon as he closes his eyes.

He is empty. A hollow shell of his past self.

As if falling down an endless abyss _, Keiji_ is no more.

 

THE END


End file.
